Love and Trust

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” --C. S. Lewis

When I went on my internship with Generations of Virtue, I found that being vulnerable, and trusting were areas that I really struggled with. My mentors pointed this out to me and helped me a great deal to overcome my fear of being hurt. And now after many swordfighting lessons, I am much more willing to love, even if my heart could be wrung. But there is still that little self preservation part of me that wants to put up the armor when people start working their way into my life and try to be my friend. There is still the selfish part of me that doesn't want to love, because it is dangerous.

It's a good thing God doesn't feel that way! He gives His love freely to me and on a day to day basis I take that love and at best ignore it, and at worst reject it. Whenever I sin, I am breaking God's heart. I have a hard time giving someone a gift because they may not like it, yet God gives me so many gifts everyday and most of them I turn away. But God never stops loving me, even when I disregard His love and despise His gifts. He gives His love freely even if He is not loved in return. And I should do the same because He holds my heart in the palm of His hand and He knows every part of it better than I do myself. He has the ability to heal any hurt I may acquire as I give different people my trust and He has the ability to bind up my heart if it gets broken by someone I love.

Just a little glimpse into what goes on inside my head. I actually have a story that goes along with this and I might post in next time.

-Victoria