Grief Isn't a Straight Line

So, in Victoria's little world, there is a time to grieve, obviously I've kinda been in that time.  But in Victoria world, you can only have so long, it's straight line that starts at point A with being sad and gradually gets to point B with being happy and healed.  That isn't how grief works though, you can't chart is, and you can't plan it, it just is.  Sometimes you're truly fine and you feel like you might be getting towards the end of the line, and then sometimes you hear a song, think a thought, or a sound/smell brings back a memory and WHAMO you're back to the beginning again.  That's why grief is a rats nest, swirling from bad, to not so bad, to really bad, to good.  I may like roller coasters, but the ups and downs of this ride are making me want to throw up over the side sometimes.    

I'm sorry if I'm being too dramatic, I'm writing this so you can relate if you've been there, and learn what it's like if you haven't.  God comforts us in the tough times so we in turn can comfort others who are going through the same things God brought us too.  And it's true, God brings comfort and change too.

There is nothing like death that makes you rethink things in your life.  Yes, I know where I'm going when I die, I'm firm in my beliefs.  I'm talking about life attitudes in general.  I think the death of a loved one hardens some people, they become locked up tight and don't want to be hurt again.  I praise the Lord it has had the opposite effect on me.  I'd been working on expressing my feelings more and softening my edges for a year or so now with little success.  I now have a drive I've never had before to just go up to people in my life I appreciate and tell them how much I love them because I want them to know.  It wouldn't kill me to be nicer, it wouldn't hurt to give some compliments, I won't melt if I give someone a hug.  Yeah, my entire personality won't change, and I won't become all lovey dovey over night, but now there's more than there was before.  

Life is short people and I want to stop pretending.  Grief may not be a straight line, but I'm just going to keep moving and the line takes me where it takes me.