Something I've found out is that despite the fact that my entire life, most people ignore me or have little to say to me, as soon as they find out I've made a major life descision, everyone feels the need to bless me with their opinions. I'm totally Ok, being ignored, I've always joked that one of my biggest goals in life was to be invisible, and now I chuckle at the ones that have never cared about me that are suddenly concerned about the big mistake I'm possibly making.
About a month ago, the anxiety was crushing me, my biggest fear of failing was looming like a storm cloud because what if I tried to fly but ended up crashing and burning. I would have so many people with "I told you so"s to come back to, and the thought of it made me want to hide in my closet.
But I wasn't seeing all the people that were totally happy for me. Yes, they know there are risks, and that things will never go the exact way you expect them, but these brave souls know that's what life is about. Amanda has no one cheering her on but is still determined to try and prove that she can carve a way for herself in this world. There are people waiting and watching for us to fail, but something we've both realized is everyone's a critic. Your damned by some if you try something new, your damned by some if you keep status quo, so you might as well do what you want to do, and what you think is right.
Something I told myself through my teenage years as I was scared stiff at messing up is I'd rather try and fail, than do nothing and live with regrets. I've lived this mantra, I've tried, a lot, and I've failed, a lot. I might be young, but I'm no stranger to dissapointment. And I found out it's not the end of the world. Yes it hurts, yes it leaves scars, some of which don't heal easy, but at least I did something.
I'm not worried that I'll leave and not be able to make it. If my life adventures have taught me anything it's that I'll be Ok, whether it goes well or whether I fail, it doesn't matter. So far, I have a 100% sucess rate of making it through tough times. I have a God that treasures me (for some reason) and that holds me in His hand. I have two good feet that allow me to move forward, I have a brain that serves me well, a heart that's pretty servicable, and soul hidden in the cleft of the Rock. What should I fear?
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