I Still Need Him to Love Me

Why? Why are You still here with me?  Didn't You see what I've done?
In my shame I want to run and hide myself, but it's here I see the truth
I don't deserve You

But I need You to love me, and I, I won't keep my heart form You this time
And I'll stop this pretending that I can somehow deserve what I already have
I need You to love me

I, I have wasted so much time, pushing You away from me
I just never saw how You could cherish me, because You're the God how has all things
but still You want me

But I need You to love me, and I, I won't keep my heart from You this time
And I'll stop this pretending that I can somehow deserve what I already have
I need You to love me

Your love makes me forget what I have been
Your love makes me see who I really am
Your love makes me forget what I have been

Those marvelous lyrics are "I Need You to Love Me" by, IMHO, God's chosen band, Barlowgirl who have since stopped touring and writing.  A tragedy, yes I know.  I can easily say that this song is my favorite in CCM, I love many others, but through the years I keep going back to this one.  It's sort of like my whole life's story and testimony in a song.  I like everything about it,  I could spend 10 posts picking apart every line and talking about it.

I haven't listened to it in a few months so I turned it on today and yup, I still need Jesus to love me and yup, still don't deserve Him.  And yes, sometimes, I still pretend like I can deserve God's love, even though I already have it and didn't need to do anything to get it.  The One who has everything, could have anything, the best and the brightest, but instead saw this broken vessel and said, "I want her!".  Makes me grateful.  It also gives me the strength to keep going.  Because sometimes this whole sanctification, growing in holiness thing get's reeeeaaaly hard and I can only fail so many times before I start to wonder why I'm even doing it.  I keep getting "slammed" as a friend puts it, and the gospel message in this song just refreshes my spirit.

In case you were wondering, you need God to love you.  Seriously NEED.  And you don't deserve it, He doesn't expect you to,. You DO need to stop pushing Him away before it's too late, too late to receive His forgiveness.